Anxiety

Morning coffe, by snatti89

     At times I'm so socially anxious I can't even properly engage in internet conversations with strangers. Though I never normally seek to talk with unknown random people on the internet, when I'm feeling lonely and particularly needy of human contact (even if solely virtual) I search for chat rooms on google and see what I can find. Often it's just full of perverts and weirdos or just plain awful people; but again, what place in the internet isn't? Anyway, back to my inability to have normal and interesting chats with strangers online. Okay, maybe normal is too high of a goal to expect on the web, but I do think that for a conversation to be considered successful it has got to at least be interesting. That's the hard part. I can usually not think about anything other than ask how the weather is on their side of the screen. Because I often am interested in knowing that. Because I am that boring.

     Though if you're lucky enough you might still end up finding a cool person to talk to. I remember once bumping into a russian girl on Omegle (in good ol' text-chat, not video-chat). I was maybe 13 at the time but I lied and said I was 18. She was 19. It was a very nice and amicable talk, and I cherish little spontaneous encounters with strangers like this very dearly. It's kind of weird and a little despairing when someone diagnoses you with social anxiety. "Oh! So that's why I've been avoiding going out with my friends [or with anyone, really] ever since before high school! Interesting." Although I'd admit my anxiety has improved a lot, I still get uneasy and very self-aware when in a group of more than 3 people, and if I have to interact informally (that is, socially) with somebody new or whom I don't yet know very well, then it's particularly unnerving. But most of the time I wouldn't say social anxiety is a disease. It's definitely unpleasant, and it definitely has damaged my social life and overall happiness, but it's not like a disease in any conventional or traditional sense of the word. It's more like a pattern. A pattern of both covert and overt behavior. Something that truly feels like part of who you are – for now, at least.

     It's getting very late and I need some sleep. And I've been learning Japanese now! How cool is that?!

　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　おやすみ！

Perspective

"Above the lights", by Yuumei

     Hi.

     What do you think of perspectives? Maybe perspectives isn't the right word. Or maybe it is. Have you ever stopped to think about how there's always someone whom you've never met in another continent, thousands of miles alway from you, but living at the same time as you? This may be a hard thing to picture if you've already been to places very far away from your homeland. But if you're like me and have never been to another country, you'll probably understand.
     There's this society, in which you live in, with things happening in your life, your problems, your pleasures, and so many things which are so special and unique to you. But think of it like this: you're relaxing in a nice couch, maybe watching something mundane on TV, maybe using your tablet or phone, or maybe just relaxing. Now imagine, not an entire society or a group of people, but just a person, a single individual. Imagine him/her. He, or she, lives in a different society, but not so different that you can't relate with it; if you're outside the US, imagine this person lives in New York. If you're in the US, imagine this person lives in Tokyo.
     Okay. Now, I want you to forget wherever the place is that you are. You're not there anymore. You're... floating. Floating in downtown New York/Tokyo! It's night-time, and there are so many buildings and skyscrapers on your sight, you lose count of how many shining bright windows you see on your horizon. You find yourself lost just above the city lights. Everything's so colourful. One could almost forget about the stars in the sky. You can feel that chilly breeze blowing on your arms, touching your skin. But you don't mind. you're awed, overwhelmed with how many glowing lights there are on your sight.
     Suddenly, for no reason at all, you focus on one of these bright lights, a tiny glowing dot in a building you can barely see. You zoom in. There's a young person by the vertical, narrow window, dinning alone. Her/his kitchen looks modern, and the loft itself seems tiny, but very comfy. This person exists. They're not in your imagination. They are living, right now, only in another side of the globe. As they eat, you try to imagine what is going on in his/her head. What is their life like? What are their dreams and aspirations? What is the connection you might have with this person? For now, you don't really care. Time doesn't seem to pass. You hear some relaxing music (maybe this one) as you watch him/her. They seem nice. Out of all the other people living in the nearby apartments, the people on the streets, the people on the terraces watching the city like you - you're just looking at one of them. She or he seems special, unique. And this is a real person. Everything is happening right now.

I don't know. There's just something very comforting about knowing that there are not so different people, living at the same time as you, existing somewhere else, getting on with their lives, in a place far far away, looking at the same sky as you are. It just puts everything into perspective. Even if just for a little moment.

See you some other time.

Goodbye for now.

"There is always sunshine after the storm", by Pascal Campion